Monday 7 May 2012

Not a Clue

In the absence of any NFL news, and also the damp weather conditions impinging on my cricket season, I have decided to write about something that has starting to particularly bug me lately.  Its probably been around for a while, but I've only just noticed it.  It is the seemingly low IQ of people who go on quiz shows.

This will be an angrier blog than my more recent writings, but I shall endeavour to keep the language clean.

Many years ago, there was a Norman Lovett skit where he plays a contestant on Mastermind.  His chosen specialised subject was "Extremely Easy Questions That Have Existed Since The Beginning of Time", and included such taxing queries as "Red Blue Yellow and Orange are all what?" (they're all colours, in case you're confused).  He scored 26 in the first round.  At the end of the general knowledge round, his score was...26.  On a recent edition of Mastermind, at the end of his specialised subject, a contestant had scored, from his 90 seconds, 1.  His two minutes of general knowledge pushed his score up to a staggering...9.  Why did he bother? I'm sure many of us would like to be on telly, and would no doubt tell all our friends to watch out for us, but to appear on the gogglebox and make a total tit of yourself must be the career ambition of a total shit for brains.

And speaking of shit for brains brings me nicely to the entertaining Saturday night Lottery gameshow "In It To Win It",  hosted by the ageless (well, he's looked 50 odd for nearly twenty years) Dale Winton.  Aside from the weekly hilarity whenever Dale banishes a constesant to his "red area", the show has an impressive production line of morons.  The standard response when asked a question about ANYTHING seems to be "Oh I don't have a clue Dale".  ABOUT ANYTHING!!! I saw a man on this show wearing a cricket sweater, and when asked a question about what the prize fought for between England and Australia at cricket was called seemed intent on going with "the Calcutta Cup" before he "suddenly remembered". (The Ashes, in case any wannabe IITWI contestants are reading).  The scary thing is how many of these cretins, when asked what they'd like to do with any money they win on the show, answer "start my own business".  The economy of the United Kingdom is on its arse, the last thing it needs is dickheads entering the market who don't know how many events constitute a decathlon (Ten).

Of course, sometimes the poor buggers are shafted by the questions before they have a chance to embarrass themselves.  I don't know many (well, ANY if I'm honest) 70 year old retirees who know that Rhianna sang Rude Boy.  But the special girls out there who not only like sport but also know a bit about it have their credibility destroyed whenever a question about football comes up and a brassy blonde tart (usually from London, and a particular area in London) answers "I don't know a fing about football Dale, I'm a girl!"

My dad and sister take great pleasure in watching that incredibly pointless show Deal or No Deal (a quiz show with only one question - where does Noel Edmonds buy his shirts?) and seeing someone blow a fortune having ignored the bankers last tantalising offer.  I take a similar delight in watching some idiot who has fluked his way into the hunt for (usually) £20,000 blow it by revealing a total lack of knowledge regarding post World War One peace treaties.  Maybe I'm just an angry bitter man.  Maybe I'm just a know it all who is proud of the amount of information I've learned over the years.

Maybe I'm both.

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